The Ultimate Survivor
by gilglos
Summary: a messed up version of survivor staring characters from btvs. caution-will make you never want to go into your kitchen again
1. Default Chapter

A/N- this was made up by the fact that everyone I know is sacred to death to eat something from my kitchen, including me…so here it goes the first season, oh and please review to tell me if you like it. I will beg for reviews…

*****

Lights shown down on the set, a large messy kitchen that had bars and chains surrounding it and covering the doors and windows. Someone yelled out ACTION! When a rather not intimidating voice screamed through a megaphone…

 "This is the **Ultimate Survivor**, where four chosen contestants must survive three days in the kitchen…WITH OUT AN OUTSIDE FOOD SOURCE! That's right no pizza delivery or take out.

On a lighter note let's introduce our contestants…

In corner number one it's…GILES! Now this English watcher was once a bad umm… ok so he's not but he used to be part of the council until they kicked his sorry @$$ out…

In corner number two…is WILLOW!! This good witch, bad witch is so powerful she turned my grandmother into a newt…

In corner number four…OZ!!! A long time werewolf who is afraid of only a full moon, and cockroaches…

In the last grassy corner…give it up for our champ- LLAMA!!!!!! Watch out he spits."

A referee steps into the kitchen from the refrigerator, told you we never know what can come out of it…

"Now I want a good clean fight…food fights are recommended, slop pits are encouraged, and bugs should be squashed. Ding- ding lets get it on!!!"

The referee stepped back into the fridge. Giles looks around wiping his glasses feverishly. Willow's stomach rumbles so she goes to investigate a cupboard. Oz spots a cockroach… "AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

Willow suddenly jumped back as a long scaly tentacle reached out of the cupboard. It reached over, grabbed the cockroach and pulled it into its dark domain.

"Well that was unexpected." Giles commented.

"AHHHHH!!!! Things are alive in these cupboards!!!" Oz so artistically screamed, like a girl. He ran for the door, and yanked on it, but remember how the doors are chained and boarded up? "Let me out! Let me out!"

Giles calmly walked over with a look of disgust on his face and pointed to a yellow sign above Oz's head- Caution! Room contains chemical biohazards.

Oz shuddered involuntarily and turned around, he cast a nervous glance around the room, panic still showing in his eyes as he got his close up.

Suddenly Llama stood up on its hind legs and talked. "Obviously you are not use to the rules of Rina's Kitchen. One: Things live in the cupboard Two: Be afraid of the refrigerator Three: Don't eat Mia's cooking and Four: you cant get in, you cant get out and what ever happens here will scar you for life"

Voice on megaphone "stay, psch, tuned for, psch, next weeks episode, psch…"


	2. raging hormones

A/N-ok here is the second chapter.hopes its better Thanks to  
  
Songelf88 and G.H.S. the Warg: for beta-ing and giving me her advice. Dangles: for that wonderfully insightful review Anyone who didn't review: please do! I REALLY would love a review from someone who I don't know and is not being bought or paid off by my other friends.  
  
And now for episode two. ***** Giles turned and stared at Llama in wonder, "in all my life, after all these years working for the council and with the slayer, I have faced countless demons we have had no previous knowledge about but never have I faced a talking llama." "We have never come up against and had to fight against one either," put in Willow, starring distractedly at Oz. "I'm so touched. Now OFF MY KITCHEN! And that's MR. LLAMA to you, you.you inferior humans!" yelled a rearing, spitting Llama. "How can we be off your kitchen when we are in your kitchen and not on it? What? I was just wondering," said Oz. Willow walked over to Oz. "Your so cute when your insightful." "Oh boy they're getting to close, they're going for the death here, back off back off before she sucks you into a deal." Said Llama trying to back Willow off. "Yes the deal of a life time." She cooed to Oz. "Hormones raging! Stop the hormones!" Giles too was beginning to get frantic. A cockroach climbed onto Oz's boot just as Willow began to cuddle against him. "Ahhhhhh!!!!" The nearest cupboard door slowly opened. "Ahhh!" the tentacle shot out, grabbed Oz's leg and began dragging him towards the cupboard. He clawed at the ground as Llama grinned. "Well that was one way to end that fiasco.oh yeah. Rule five- do not, I repeat do not get to close to the cupboards." "Why not? And why are there so many rules?" said the ever inquisitive Giles. "So no one gets hurt. If you read clause number 32 on your contract it says *hum um* quote 'if our participants get hurt, which they are not discouraged to, then it is not our fault' end quote." "Well they are ones for words now aren't they" "And we now know who the genius of this group is." 


End file.
